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He added that his White friends would not rule out dating us, but that he warned them they would have trouble handling a Black woman.
Having Black men reinforce these stereotypes makes dating harder for us. A conversation I had with my friend Ally last week summarises the confusion among my girlfriends: ‘‘I want a man I connect with on every level, and I don’t care about their colour, but I’m just having no luck, I feel like I’ve been single forever!
I’d like to note here that I don’t live in London, and so the dating experiences of Black women there may be different to those who live outside the capital.
I live in a fairly large city, Bristol, and seeing White women with Black men is just as common as seeing White men with White women.
However, I often read American blogs that advise Black women to go to Europe as it is more likely that they’ll find love with a slight irritation – dating non-Black men here is certainly no easier than anywhere else.
They may give compliments and drop hints, and even though we believe we are showing reciprocal interest, numbers are never requested from the men or exchanged.However, the proportion of Black men in the UK dating non-Black women eclipses that of Black women doing the same.Their reasons for not dating Black women echo the ubiquitous ‘’they have horrible hair and a bad attitude’’ or ‘‘I’m simply not attracted to them’’.I believe that plenty of Black women here have accepted this now, and would rather expand our options, but we’ve had similar experiences to Ally when we try this, which leaves us confused about how we are perceived by men in general.I remember a few years ago only seeing older Black women with White men (my mum being an example of this), however, now lots of girls and younger women are expanding their horizons, not just because they cannot find a Black man, but because they choose non-Black men.But things are thankfully changing for Black women.It is now estimated that 48 percent of Black Caribbean men and 34 percent of Black Caribbean women are in mixed-race relationships in the UK.I am a Black British teacher, and many of my friends are also in professional vocations.We are young women open to dating other races, but being open doesn’t necessarily make finding a partner any easier. We’re tired of reading articles that tell us to widen our options as educated women and date men outside our race, because we are attempting this and it is making no difference.On the other hand, Jem, a fellow Teacher disagrees slightly with Ally and says that like me she isn’t short of attention from Black men, but they aren’t on our wavelength in terms of education, job or outlook.Like many other sisters I know, Jem would rather be in a relationship with a Black man, but realises that she may be waiting forever if she rules out everyone else.