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Children should never be hit -- not even a slap on a toddler's bottom, he tells Web MD. "It is simply not possible to spoil a child with love," he writes."If your young child is headed into danger, into traffic, you can grab him and hold him, but you should under no circumstances hit him." Ruby Natale Ph D, Psy D, professor of clinical pediatrics at the University of Miami Medical School, couldn't agree more. "Many people use the same tactics their own parents used, and a lot of times that meant using really harsh discipline," she tells Web MD. Ask yourself, 'What do I want to accomplish, and is this likely to produce that result? "What we often think of as the product of spoiling a child is never the result of showing a child too much love.The crying starts, escalating into a full-blown tantrum.In his new book, The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting, Laurence Steinberg, Ph D, provides guidelines based on the top social science research -- some 75 years of studies."You should give your child the same courtesies you would give to anyone else. ṣiwwah "command") refers to precepts and commandments commanded by God."Parenting is one of the most researched areas in the entire field of social science," says Steinberg, who is a distinguished professor of psychology at Temple University in Philadelphia.
After all, what is the goal when you're dealing with children? Good parenting helps foster empathy, honesty, self-reliance, self-control, kindness, cooperation, and cheerfulness, says Steinberg."There are many other ways to discipline a child, including 'time out,' which work better and do not involve aggression." 9. "Good parents have expectations they want their child to live up to," he writes."Generally, parents overexplain to young children and underexplain to adolescents."Parents might want to meet with the teacher and develop a joint strategy. If you don't keep junk food in the house, they won't eat it." Likewise, the checkout line tantrum can be avoided, says Natale. You can't go shopping without preparing them for it. That child needs to learn to give other children a chance to answer questions." 10. "The best way to get respectful treatment from your child is to treat him respectfully," Steinberg writes. A parent's relationship with his or her child will be reflected in the child's actions -- including child behavior problems, Natale explains. It is usually the consequence of giving a child things in place of love -- things like leniency, lowered expectations, or material possessions." 3. "Being an involved parent takes time and is hard work, and it often means rethinking and rearranging your priorities."If you don't have a good relationship with your child, they're not going to listen to you. If you have a good relationship with them, you tend to trust them more, listen to their opinions, and agree with them. "This is one of the most important principles," Steinberg tells Web MD. It frequently means sacrificing what you want to do for what your child needs to do. The problem needs to be diagnosed by a professional." 5. "If you don't manage your child's behavior when he is young, he will have a hard time learning how to manage himself when he is older and you aren't around. The rules your child has learned from you are going to shape the rules he applies to himself." "But you can't micromanage your child," Steinberg tells Web MD."If you do the homework, you're not letting the teacher know what the child is learning." 4. "The same intellectual growth spurt that is making your 13-year-old curious and inquisitive in the classroom also is making her argumentative at the dinner table." For example: An eighth grader is easily distracted, irritable. "With a 13-year-old, the problem could be a number of things," Steinberg says. To be successful in life, she's going to need both." It is normal for children to push for autonomy, says Steinberg."Many parents mistakenly equate their child's independence with rebelliousness or disobedience.It also promotes intellectual curiosity, motivation, and desire to achieve.It helps protect children from developing anxiety, depression, eating disorders, anti-social behavior, and alcohol and drug abuse.