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Some churches had purity bible studies where, without ever talking about healthy sexuality, young girls were told that “sleeping with someone” when you’re not married makes your heart grimy and dirty and means you are turning away from Jesus.To make better sense of this movement, I need to go back to the Home-school Revolution of the early 80’s.Don’t ever say “yes” to a boyfriend and don’t ever say “no” to a husband.A man will not stay with you if you don’t give him his pleasure, but nor will he buy the cow if the milk is free.Empty promises were given, like, “If you don’t have sex before marriage, you will enjoy it so much more once you have it.” In addition to this, we must not forget the “petal plucking” philosophy which states that virginity is a rose and every romantic experience is plucking a petal off of that rose…on your wedding night don’t you want more than a stem to offer your spouse?Furthermore, no one explained what the poor little flower supposedly looked like the morning after the wedding.It was on this fertile ground and with this high demand for Christian advice on romance that Joshua Harris published his book, “I Kissed Dating Goodbye.” In this book, Harris advocates not only sexual abstinence but romantic abstinence until marriage.

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The purity movement didn’t address things like the dangers of sexual anorexia, male chauvinism, the prevalence of sexual abuse, or the path to healing.For some her book is even considered good ol’ practical advice for a Christian home.At is even a review that describes it as “a wonderful instruction manual on how to carry out the New Testament’s principles for wives.” I confess that I haven’t read the book (I can’t stomach reading a book summary so I decided to spare myself! In addition to this, consider that the Scripture refers to marriage as an image of Christ and His Church.Growing up, I was a strong advocate for the “purity movement” of the late 90’s.This was a movement primarily in the Christian evangelical church which encouraged teenage boys and girls (predominantly girls) to avoid having sex before marriage.How were they to parent young adults and find them mates in a post-sexual-revolution culture?The home-school and fundamentalist movements placed great emphasis on family – in fact the idea of living a life in singleness was predominantly viewed as tragic – but how were they to get their children to the altar?Some churches had purity ceremonies where teenage girls walked down the aisle and were symbolically given to Jesus by their fathers.They would wear a white dress and receive a ring and make a promise to “stay pure” until marriage.Sadly, some learned this not just from the culture but from their “purity” promoting parents.Many Christian men were not taught that hedonism is false and to learn self-control; they were taught that hedonism is true but delayed gratification is more pleasurable.

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  1. It takes alot for me to work up the nerve, but I've done it.....to have the other individual not be interested.....large part because it is so different from the norm for the woman to initiate conversations or etc.