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To find out about the other tests, I encourage you to read The Four Loves. What many people share with most of their friends is not Philia love at all. Trying to be best friends before romance may not be all the roses and butterflies the courtship advocates promised you.

As a friendship grows, it grows into something separate from the individual friends.

A Philia Friend could be translated into “Soul Mate”, but then we have moved that into our language for Eros. Lewis gives us several tests to differentiate between Storge and Philia.

I think it is telling of our culture that we lack even a vocabulary to talk about this kind of friendship. The simplest is that you can’t pinpoint when the Storge love began.

Romantic Eros Love is great, but it meets a different emotional need.

Despite a passionate romance, without a true Philia Friend, we are still somehow unsatisfied.

It just happens as an outgrowth of companionship and common interest.

Upon the death of Jonathan, David said, “I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother; you were very dear to me.

Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women.” (2 Samuel ) Lewis estimated that as many as 90% of people never experience true Philia Friendship in their lifetime.

The ancients saw Philia love as greater than both Eros and Storge.

The most famous example of this kind of love in the Bible is David and Jonathan.

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